Remembering Who I Am
Names are powerful. They shape our identity.
For many of us, it’s perhaps the only thing that is constant throughout our whole lives. It’s the one aspect of our identity that is bestowed upon us even before we become aware of who we are. Names are important. It is scientifically proven that a person’s name pronounced correctly is the sweetest sound to a human being. A name is our greatest connection to our own identity and individuality; they influence our life's outcomes.
Mid quarantine on April 30, 2020, I was sitting at my desk, thinking deeply about the dichotomy of identity between the outside world and my inner identity. I was struggling to decide what to do when a question gently arose. It was one I couldn’t ignore, “Whose permission do I need?”
Before we continue I have to take you back to September 1997 in Aventura, Florida. I had just turned 8 years old. It was my first day of school at Highland Oaks Elementary school. I had my uniform on, hair combed over, scared out of my mind not only because it was the first day of school, but because I was going to school in a country that welcomed me only 3 weeks before. I was in a foreign country-- I didn’t know how to speak English and let alone understand why I was even here in the first place. As I walked into the classroom the first thing my teacher said to me was, “what’s your name?”
I knew the answer to this question-- my parents had us memorize this line in case we ever got lost during our trips to Disney World. That’s as far as my English went, but hey, we all have to start somewhere.
I responded with joy and a smile, “Luis Alejandro.” Then swiftly, the teacher told me “No” followed by something I didn't understand at the time. I was confused. Perplexed. “No”? I had answered her in the most confident manner and she said “No.” Since I couldn't speak English that was the end of the conversation. I was unable to take a stand. I felt powerless. She gently grabbed my hand, guided me to my desk, and in a haze of confusion, I sat down. She placed a name card on my desk: “Luis Navia.” I looked at it confused. I felt unsafe.
I didn’t know this at the time but that moment would go on to shape a significant portion of my identity for years to come.
I was born Luis Alejandro Navia Mejia. According to my mom, she always wanted to name me Alejandro even before I was born. The name Luis came from my Father who wanted to hand it down to me--understandably so. As a result, they compromised: Luis Alejandro. So in order to not confuse my father and me, my name at home was Alejandro or Alex.
During family reunions at my grandparents’ ranch to celebrate Christmas, I was Alejandro. When I got in trouble, “Alejandro” would blurt out of my parent’s mouth with the tone that every child knows: one filled either with anger, disappointment, or both. This was the signal that I was in trouble. When it was time to give my grandparents a hug or to spend time with loved ones, I was Alejandro. No matter what role I have within my family structure, the cousin, the nephew, the grandson, the brother, and/or the son, Alejandro is the name that I am called.
Since 1997, for 23 years, I have lived a duality of personalities: Luis to the outside world of business and friendships. Luis represents the image that I had it all together (even during the times I was internally screaming for help). On the other side was Alejandro to my family, lovers, and close friends who saw me raw, opened, and in my imperfections and loved me because of, not in spite of.
Fast forward to 2014, I was in the midst of a very complex and emotional relationship with my father. For about 14 years, we weren’t getting along. We didn’t speak to each other. I often couldn’t even be in the same room with him.
When we did speak to each other we were hostile and combative. I wanted nothing to do with him at the time; the feelings were so strong that the thought entered my mind that I needed to drop the name ‘Luis’, just to be as far away as possible from him. But something didn’t sit right with me. I did not want to change my name out of spite. I was running away from something that was causing me pain, rather than running towards something that was bringing me joy. And though I dropped the idea of changing my name from my mind, the seed had been planted in my heart.
In March 2020, I was experiencing burn out at the start-up I was helping to build. I was portraying myself in a light that wasn’t true to myself. I was seeking validation, grasping onto achievement as a sense of self-worth, and living up to the expectations of what other people thought about me. I had lost all of my practices. Naturally, I quit my job.
As quarantine hit, I immediately began to dive deeper into myself. I asked myself the questions I was evading for so long, the guiding question being, “Who am I?” I went deeper into the only practice I kept up with during this whole time: prayer.
In my reflection, I recognized that for the majority of my life I had been operating from a place of survival and never truly felt safe. A persistent nagging, like someone, is about to pull the rug. A lot of my accomplishments have been motivated by seeking validation and for people to like me. This feeling had been deeply rooted in me since that day back in September 1997 when I wasn’t able to vocalize who I truly was. The emotion of not being safe was the undercurrent of my life for so long that I wasn’t even aware of it-- that is until the Universe asked us all to slow down this year.
As I looked back, I was so engulfed with what other people thought about my journey that I had to remind myself to let the world know who I am and not the other way around.
Carl Jung once said, "The world will ask you who you are, and if you do not know, the world will tell you." I was the living example of this quote.
That’s when I began my journey to remember who I was. I asked myself, “when did I feel the safest?”, “When did I feel the most loved?” “When did I feel the most authentic and supported?” “When did I feel most aligned?” And in an epiphany of remembrance, the answer came to me. “When I was embodying Alejandro.”
When the memories of love, joy, and safety came flooding back all I could see and feel in my heart was the name, Alejandro.
When I was held and supported by my Mom in my toughest moments she called me by my name, Alejandro. When I needed the advice and guidance from my grandfather Roberto, he addressed me as Alejandro. In the moments of love with my lovers, I asked them to call me Alejandro. To my confidants and best friends, I was Alejandro. When I speak with God, I always approach him from that place in my heart that identifies as Alejandro.
I was remembering. The flood of memories brought something with them that I had been searching for my whole life: I felt safe. For the first time in my adult life.
It was a miracle. God answered my prayers.
On Friday, April 30, 2020, I was sitting at my desk, when I was considering my name change, a question gently arose. It was one I couldn’t ignore, “Whose permission do I need?”
The answer blossomed from my lips in a gentle whisper, “No ones.”
That’s when I picked up my phone and texted my mom, “I started the name change. It feels so good.”
Her response, “Welcome Home Son.”
This is a divine moment in my life. In order to show the world I was committed, I went to Facebook and changed my name. Immediately after Facebook, I texted 100+ people from all walks of life telling them about my decision.
Something happened that I wasn’t expecting: I was welcomed with celebration.
As I celebrated this genesis in my life, it was equally important for me to spiritually close out the previous chapter. I have a deep sense of gratitude for my previous name Luis. The name Luis brought me to the places and experiences I dreamt of as a child while making them ALL a reality. The accomplishment, the growth, the love, the wisdom, and the mistakes I lived during this period as ‘Luis’ are foundational to who I am as a person today. I ceremoniously celebrated the name and intentionally said good-bye with a deep sense of gratitude, I concluded that chapter in my life.
In the essence of it all, it wasn’t a name change. It was remembering who I am and returning to it with full ownership and authenticity. I began to align myself with the truest and highest version of me.
My name is Alejandro.
For the first time in my life, I am opening up the pages of my journal to the world. This passage is dated May 1, 2020, a day after my decision.
If you’re reading this, thank you for taking the time to read my post and allowing me to be part of your life even in the smallest of ways, it means a lot to me.
Journal Entry- May 1, 2020
Awareness without action is mental masturbation. Ever since I set the intention towards healthy habits that result in positive outcomes, I’ve become acutely aware of the behaviors that I am unlearning.
It all starts with awareness and it is immediately followed by action of our choices.
I am Alive→ choice→ action→ Result
I am very proud of myself for taking the time during the quarantine to honor my truth, my love, and my self authentically. I am taking action towards becoming a coach for high performing leaders. I am learning about mycelium and I am nurturing myself and my marriage with kindness and love-- the results are showing:- I am exercising 5 days a week- I am generating income on a monthly basis- I am increasing my income - I’ve fully stepped into my name: Alejandro; I’ve thanked Luis and have kindly and lovingly departed from that name and identity. I am now taking action towards creating a system and process curated towards focus, productivity, and intentionality. A system focused on long term sustainability, healthy emotional intelligence, peak knowledge to wisdom practices, faith-based leadership serving God through my gifts, amazing financial/Monetary health. I am doing this so that I can serve God and the world with the best possible ability that I am capable of. ---0---0---Yesterday was a very powerful day in which I stepped fully into my identity as Alejandro-- I made a choice to live authentically and true to God and myself. I did it intentionally with a conscious consideration over the years. I saw the quarantine and the results of the work I've put into practice as the perfect opportunity to step into my greatness. And stepped into it I did. With loveWith gratitudeWith graceWith powerWith God.Day one as Alejandro is awesome. The world is celebrating me!! Celebrating my own celebration. The simplest of choices have the most profound impacts in our lives. -Alejandro
