Becoming A Coach
In December 2018, I landed the perfect job by industry standards: I was the first employee to join a phenomenal pair of founders in the Artificial Intelligence space as Chief of Staff to the CEO. I was thrilled not only to be joining an exciting mission with global impact, but to have such a critical role in helping create the next billion dollar company.
This was the real startup experience. I was living the dream. Within 8 months of joining, I worked hand in hand with the CEO and team to build out our operations, develop our product, and recruit & hire a rockstar team of 100 people with offices in Germany, France & the US. I had traveled the world to meet with world-class investors (Billionaires, Royalty, Fmr heads of state, and the who is who of tech).
The life within an early stage startup is hectic, but for me, so was my personal life. Around this time I was ending a 6-year relationship with my then girlfriend, crashing at friends’ places, and working on my finances. My natural coping instinct led me to throw myself into work, focusing 120% of my energy into this one part of my life. I struggled to keep balance.
I told myself I needed to focus on what’s important.
And frankly, for a while, it worked. The first half of 2019, I was filled with a joy that can only be described as divine. My start-up dreams were coming true.
But through all that we were accomplishing, not all felt right. In September 2019, my relationship with the CEO took a turn. Almost overnight, my responsibilities started to decrease, as my reach and access in the company were literally pulled right out from under my feet. This put me in a state of survival mode that would be the catalyst to my breakdown.
I was riddled with stress, anxiety, anger, frustration, doubt, and disappointment. I felt unsafe at work.
And here, at the beginning of 2020, after countless attempts to regain my footing (hiring a communications coach, putting together countless strategies, changing my title, etc.) within the company and with the CEO, I crashed and burned.
In the months leading up to that moment, I was having nightmares that woke me up sweating, stressed out, and feeling unsafe. In February of this year, during my honeymoon, I had a breakdown. That night in the jungles of Colombia, the culmination of these events, and the way I was addressing them, caused me to crash hard into a wall.
Shortly after arriving in NYC, upon reflecting with my wife, she reminded me that I own the responsibility of the circumstances in my life.
Our conversation woke me up: I was out of integrity with myself. My environment encouraged me to be my inauthentic self. It was really tough to see that I was caught in a toxic cycle of pleasing other people and not having my needs met. I wasn’t prioritizing myself-- I was burning the candle at both ends.
I was distracted by accomplishment.
By catering to the elusiveness of achievement, I lost my practices, I lost myself.
I stopped journaling, working out, meditating, waking up at 5am, making time for my wife and friends, making time for myself, and making time for my relationship with my spirituality.
I was in the darkness, sitting with my shadows.
Externally, I was dealing with the illusion of achievement and validation. What would people think if I left? I had recently convinced investors who are personal friends and advisors to invest millions of dollars, I had recruited some of the best talents on my reputation as an operator. I had just paid off $90K worth of debt after living 2.5 years without income-- I worked my ass off to get back on stable ground. I was addicted to the security of the monthly paycheck.
Internally, I was riddled with self-doubt, fear, anxiety, and frustration. I was mentally, physically & spiritually drained. I knew this environment was toxic to me. This was not serving my purpose in life.
And I know that I was not alone. This is one of the most common stories of ambitious young entrepreneurs and professionals, not just at Bay Area startups, but across industries and the world.
Quitting the Job
The next day, after being asked to do something I was not comfortable doing, I told the CEO that I was unhappy with the way things were going. It took every ounce of strength to walk away from the company that I helped build-- at the expense of myself.
I trusted my intuition for the first time in too long. That moment was a new chapter in a beautiful relationship I cultivate with my intuition.
3 days before the Corona quarantine was mandated in NYC, I quit with no job lined up and only one goal in my heart: to focus on myself. My biggest desire was to actualize my authentic self, live a fulfilled life with freedom, and feel safe.
My epiphany came immediately after I vocalized that I have to trust my intuition. Palms sweaty, heart racing, I felt liberated. I speed-walked to the bathroom with my stoic face only to burst out in tears as soon I closed the door.
I was cracked open.
I immediately felt my body for the first time in months; I was out of my head and in my heart. I knew that I needed to take control of my environment and my role in it.
There was divine intervention, and I felt a blanket of peace come over me. I heard a voice in my heart chuckling, “finally, he has stepped into his power.” I knew that was God watching over me, clapping for me.
I was Free. Free mind. Free heart.
I accepted at that moment that my purpose in life is to help people and that I needed to help myself because no one else was going to do it for me.
To be honest, the environment I left behind had made me embody behaviors that put me out of integrity; I was in survival mode. I was portraying myself in a light that wasn’t true to myself. I was seeking validation, grasping onto achievement as a sense of self-worth, and had a dynamic relationship with power. Thankfully I was able to come to terms with it by taking full responsibility for my actions with understanding, compassion, and forgiveness.
With that said, one of the biggest lessons that came out of that experience is the knowledge that the environment in which we operate plays a critical role in our success as people. When we have an opportunity to improve our environment and our relationship to it, we have the ability and duty to manifest growth, sustainability, and harmonic resonance within our community and nature.
Journey of Discovery
As quarantine hit, I immediately began to dive deeper into myself.
Asking myself the questions I was evading for so long, I dove back into the only practice I kept up with during this whole time: prayer. I leaned into my friends, confidants, my coach, and my wife for support as I walked my path-- I was able to see the light within me. I fed it. My soul was hungry for the chance to shine.
As I looked back, I was so engulfed with what other people thought about my journey that I had to remind myself to let the world know who I am and not the other way around.
I began to embrace love as the source of my inspiration towards myself, God, my wife, and my family.
I began to serve.
In reflection, I recognized that when I was most alive and authentic I was helping people grow, develop, and overcome. The moments I felt high & inflow were when I was in service to others with my gifts. Like the perfect golf swing, I am my authentic self when I let my gifts do the work.
It dawned on me, I am a coach!
I spoke to my friends who were coaches, they were thrilled to hear of my epiphany. They guided me with steps on how to stand up my coaching practice.
I chose to invest in myself. To sharpen my gifts so I can better serve God and my clients. I am done playing small. I invested five thousand dollars that I didn’t have at the time to get on KaBoom, a coaching program by Preston Smiles and Zion Kim, intending to stand up my business while having accountability and support as I made the transition.
Looking back, my breakdown led me to my breakthrough. Deep down I finally understood that I am worthy of love. That I am worthy of self-care.
I turned my pain into my Purpose. My mess into my Message. My fears into my Faith.
Through the power of prayer and asking for help, I was able to step into my authentic truth. To embody my highest calling I was able to transform my life fully. I am free to spend my time on the matters that are important to me by feeling safe, grateful, and operating from a place of love.
I woke up and became aware of my own senses-- to my truth, to God, and to the service of my gifts. I am connected to God, nature, my purpose of being of service to others, and all that is around me in a powerful way.
This transformation has allowed me to be fully present in life. The awakening and awareness have brought a sense of humble confidence that I’ve always felt but I feared to step into. Now, I have stepped into it with full embodiment and daily practice.
My power lies in the wisdom of the beauty of life, the love of God, and the gift of clarity to serve others as their Coach. My journey has allowed me to see and experience the good, the bad, and the ugly as a witness and benefactor of the power of faith, love, and authenticity.
As a result, I trust myself. I live my life in full integrity.
If you ask me, I believe that I have always been a coach. Reflecting on the last 11 years of my life, what I remember the most from all those high & lows was that I love helping to develop, support, and encourage people to reach their highest potential. Myself included.
I have been working my whole life on coaching myself. I have found the perfect role in serving self, community, and the world.
Today, I am operating from a place of abundance: I am a Coach to incredible high-performers. My practice is up and running. I have a full list of clientele and will soon need to create a waiting list.
Being a Coach allows me to fulfill my purpose by being of service supporting leaders achieve fulfillment and freedom in their lives. Fulfilling our purpose frees us all to self actualize.
If any of this resonates with you and you are ready to make the epic and powerful decision to move forward, to focus on your future, and to create the life you desire I am here to support you.
