36
What can be said of another year of life?
A lot more with less.
At its core, God beckons me to be fully present, to surrender completely to each moment. Now, more than ever, I feel, connect, and express with a depth that is both profound and simple. More than ever before. So much more.
In the depths of my soul, I have discovered simplicity. And simplicity, I’ve learned, is often more complex than it seems. Like the simple truth that God loves me and has forgiven all my sins. His grace in my life, undeserved and yet freely given, is a paradox I live within.
To some, it might appear that my relationship with God is perfect, but it is anything but. I wrestle with God, with Jesus, and with the Holy Spirit more than I care to admit. Like Jacob, I hold on, refusing to let go until God blesses me.
At 36, looking back, I see a life rich with peaks and valleys, a journey where prophecies have been fulfilled, and where I have grown exponentially as a man.
36 is a simple number, yet it carries weight. It marks the 18th year of my journey with God, now equaling the time I spent as an atheist. I’ve written extensively about those early years, a time when I was a lost soul—a boy who craved love and acceptance after enduring years of bullying, rejection, and pain. A believer in nothing.
And just as much, I have written about my walk with God—how I heard His voice calling my name and accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior.
One truth stands firm: my life will not be lived while staring into the rearview mirror.
36 is the year of Transition. The crossing of the chasm. A time when my Faith is deeper, stronger.
Today, at my feet, I find an invitation from God: to surrender.
I must confess something personal: surrender does not come easily to me. Quite the opposite. I struggle with it.
Sure, I’ve practiced surrender in my life, but it has been more of an occasional glimpse than a constant state of being. In my wrestling with surrender, I have encountered joy and pain, love and heartbreak, highs and lows.
The closer I draw to God, to Jesus, and to the Holy Spirit, the simpler surrender becomes. Acceptance, I’ve come to believe, is the precursor to surrender. As I write this, I feel the tension between questioning who I am to share these thoughts and the deep sense that I must keep writing, for it is from the heart.
Forcing things has never served me well. Whatever I have forced in my life has broken. Yet, in those moments of breaking, I found God reshaping, transforming, and calling me closer to His purpose. The journey has been both confusing and clarifying. When I have surrendered, life has simplified. When I haven’t, it has become complex.
There are days when I feel one with Him, and days when God seems distant, like a mirage in the desert. These moments are simple to share yet difficult to navigate. My Faith is my compass when the world feels overwhelming. You know the feeling—when everything seems to be crashing down.
But because Faith is not a feeling, I hold onto one truth: Faith doesn’t make things easy; it makes them possible. I’m not lost, but there are days when I could use a bit more direction.
Deep within, I trust that I am exactly where God wants me to be—in a season of transition, inviting me to surrender.
Wrestling with surrender in the wilderness is normal; it is even biblical. The wilderness is where God meets us, where everything that needs to die, dies.
This year, as simple as it may sound, I ask God for Wisdom. Why wisdom?
Wisdom to understand words of insight. Wisdom to receive instruction in wise dealing. Wisdom to love and forgive. Wisdom to lead and raise my family. Wisdom to give prudence to the simple, knowledge, and discretion to those who need it. Wisdom to let go and allow the beliefs and behaviors that don’t serve God’s purpose to die. The Wisdom to serve others as God intended.
Simply put, I pray for the wisdom to surrender.
Blessed. Chosen. Highly Favored.
VIII-XXIV-MMXXIV
Edited for grammar and spelling using ChatGPT.
